I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
