you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
