When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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