Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
