I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
