All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have feelings that need drinking.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize