I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
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don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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