lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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