I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
