I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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