You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
