What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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