So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
