apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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