clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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