I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Houston, we have a blender
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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