I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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