So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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