I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
