I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
