Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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