Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
