I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
