so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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