erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
