sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
