I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
