so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
