And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
