Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize