Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
