Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
