i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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