Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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