So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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