sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
