I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
