while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
