Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
