she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
