I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
