U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
