Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
