you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize