you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
