Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
