I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
