she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
