I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
