dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
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he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
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What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.