my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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