remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories