Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
