It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
