singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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