lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
