Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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