Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
