You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
