Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
