I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
