Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
