problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
